Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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