How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
