Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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