is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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