The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
