i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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