I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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