Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
