I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
