Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
