Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
