He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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