Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
