My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
