After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I look better un-naked...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
