I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
