my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
