Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
