Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
