Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
