he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
