Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
