i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
