Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Congratulations! We have a period
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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