Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The power of my boobs compel you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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