As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
