I just saw a hot homeless man
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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