I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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