shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
