I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think my moral compass just broke
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
