Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
