My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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