I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
