I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
