She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
