I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
