i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
