Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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