I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
