at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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