Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So much rum. So many feels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
