friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
