community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
