his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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