I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
