mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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