i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
