He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
