your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
