i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
