Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
