But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
