soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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