So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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