The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
