i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
