i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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