sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
