Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
