I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
